Riding a Bike? Not Going to Happen This Year

We have tried multiple times over the past 5 years to get our ten year old son with SPD riding a two wheel bike. He was fine with a tricycle when he was little, but he doesn't have a good sense of where his body is in space, so the feeling of getting wobbly on a 2 wheel bike was not enjoyable. 

We tried a glider bike, training wheels, running beside him while holding his bike, and just letting him go for it. One year, we went out every day for two weeks to practice without training wheels, but it was so stressful for both of us, we gave up. 

The last time we tried was when he was nine. Sometimes he'll do things for my husband that he won't do for me, so they tried when I was gone. It lasted for about 10 feet until the pedal scraped his leg, and he got off and went inside. When I asked him how it felt later that night, he said it felt like he was going to fall off 100 times in those ten feet, and he hated it. 

There aren't many kids out on bikes in our neighborhood, so there isn't any motivation for him to learn. We decided it wasn't the skill we wanted to push with him, and let it drop.

Is riding a bike a necessary childhood skill? Will it be like crawling where if you don't do it, you miss out on coordination skills? I hope not, because there is no bike riding going on this year! 

Eating Meat? No Thank You

When my son was 8, he decided he couldn't eat meat. We had been trying to get him to eat more protein for a while, and he understood why, so he agreed to try hamburger. He has Sensory Processing Disorder, and is very sensitive to food textures, smells, and tastes. His protein consumption at this point in his life consisted of yogurt, chocolate milk, and peanut butter. 

We made him a sticker chart, and he chose to earn money when he made it to the end of the row of ten stickers. In order to earn a sticker, he had to take steps toward trying a new protein. 

We had to agree to what each sticker meant, and work in small increments of progress. Each step was a serious negotiation. The first day, all he had to do was smell it. Day 2, lick it. Day 3, put it in his mouth and spit it out (it was a small piece too!). Day 4, chew three times and either spit or swallow. Day 5 he had to swallow, and there were major gagging issues. The pieces were only as small as a pea, and he honestly wanted to be successful. We were not stressing about it, and worked hard trying to make it a non-stressful experience. Days 6-10, he took a bite and swallowed, but was still gagging. It wasn't getting easier. 


Maybe we just should have had him take a full bite and swallow from the beginning! 

Finally, on day 10 he did was he was supposed to do to earn the sticker, and told us that eating meat made his bones shake. We told him that he did a great job trying all of those times, gave him his money, and he hasn't eaten meat again in the past 2 years. 

Why Birthday Parties Are Tough for a Kid with SPD

My ten year old son has Sensory Processing Disorder. This means that he processes sensory input at 10-100x the intensity that you or I do, depending on the circumstance. Lights, smells, noise, and texture can seriously make him get wiggy.

This weekend we had two birthday parties to attend. He's old enough for me to drop him off and come back later to get him, but I didn't. Before we go, I have to prep him. Who will be there, how long will it last, what activities will we do, and most importantly- how long do we have to stay? This is what we negotiate before ever walking out the door. 

Birthday party #1 was at an arts and crafts center. He is not comfortable with arts and crafts because there are no rules, and he likes the dependability of structure. He takes a lot of time to process multiple-step, unfamiliar projects, so this environment was not set up for his success. But, birthday parties aren't about him, they are about the birthday boy or girl, and I want him to understand that.

He decided before we even went out the door that he wasn't going to make anything, and he was just going to be present for his friend (but could we please leave early?). I try really hard not to enable his non-participation in social events, but I also want to support his feelings and coping mechanisms. I told him he needed to be polite, and could just watch if he wanted to, but that if he thought of something to make that he should go for it. 

All of the colors, activity, and an unfamiliar environment were what hit him when we first went in the door. He greeted the birthday hosts, and found his spot at a table in the corner. They were all given their standard supplies, and told they could pick out anything extra they wanted. He took the standard supplies because that's what everyone had, but nothing extra. He doesn't like to stand out. He pitter-pattered around for about 10 minutes. He didn't glue or cut anything, just stuck with the standard supplies. He watched other kids create, make, and craft, but wasn't comfortable enough to take that role on himself. 

After an hour, he asked if we could leave. They hadn't even had cake or opened presents. I could have insisted that we stay for those parts and he would have agreed, because he knows those are part of a birthday party, but we had another party to go to right away, and I knew he would need some transition time. 

We made our excuses, and I found myself wondering if we were being rude? Should we not have come at all? Or, was it more important that we came for a little while? 

Before we went to our next party, we agreed to go home for 20 mintues to get grounded and re-calibrated. He was fine to leave the house then, and off to the next party we went. 

It's hard to watch your child be non-participatory. Other kids were smiling, and proud of themselves for their creations. But, while my kid didn't jump into the middle of everything, I was proud of him for using his manners, and for learning how to cope in unfamiliar circumstances. 

Although I do question whether or not he would have acted differently had I not been there, I'm glad I was for this one because the next day's party was at John's Incredible Pizza. Enough said.